October 2009
94 posts
1 tag
I judge you when you say you like papyrus. really?...
Hermione's got nice skin. You know, as far as skin...
Ron: [Ginny and Dean] What do you think he sees in her?
Harry: She's smart... funny... attractive...
Ron: Attractive?
Harry: Well you know... she has nice... skin.
Ron: So you think he is going out with her because she has nice skin?
Harry: Well, I dunno, I'm just saying it could be a contributing factor.
Ron: Hermione's got nice skin. You know, as far as skin goes.
Harry: I-I've never thought about it before. But now that you mention it, yeah. Very nice.
Ron: [long pause] I think I'll be going to bed now.
-siriusblack:
Naked Mole Rat Rap from Kim...
:)
fuckyeahgryffindor:
loveyourselftoo:
‘Hang on a moment!’ said Ron sharply. ‘We’ve forgotten someone!’
‘Who?’ asked Hermione.
‘The house-elves, they’ll all be down in the kitchen, won’t they?’
‘You mean we ought to get them fighting?’ asked Harry.
‘No,’ said Ron seriously, ‘I mean we should tell them to get out. We don’t want any more Dobbys, do we? We can’t order them to die for us -‘
...
Fred Phelps of the Westboro Baptist Church talks...
Phelps: Hey God, how are you?
God: Oh, hi Fred. I... uh... yeah, great. Things are, um, great. How're you? How's that whole thing with the cult?
Phelps: You mean 'church.'
God: Right, right. How's the church?
Phelps: It's going well, thank you very much for asking. I'm on my way there right now -- getting back from a doctor's appointment.
God: Oh dear. Not bad news, I hope?
Phelps: No, not at all. In fact, the doc says I'm the healthiest specimen he's ever seen.
God: Oh, well that's just terrible news- Wait, what?
Phelps: Yep, fit as a fiddle. Fitter, even. I have entirely bypassed the fiddle-range for human health.
God: Really? You're absolutely fine? Not riddled with a cancer that appeared so suddenly that it defies medical convention and could be classed, some would say, as a miracle?
Phelps: Nope. I'm doing great!
God: Well. I'm glad. So glad. I have to go now. I need to talk to Jesus. Urgently.
Phelps: Oop. Has the lad been up to no good again?
God: You could... you could say that. I think he just forgot to do something *very important*, and so I need to maybe hit him several hundred times so he doesn't ever ever forget it again.
Phelps: Well, say 'hi' from me. Oh, and thanks for Katrina!
God: You're... you're welcome?
Phelps: Oh, and 9-11.
God: Are you... am I being Punk'd?
Phelps: You're such a joker, God. Okay, see you later! Glory to God! God hates fags!
God: I hate what-now?
(via aedison)
-siriusblack:
My Shiny Teeth and Me - Chip...
Psychologist: You see, some people have tells. A tell is a tick or mannerism that appears only when the person is lying. It is a physical response to the creative work of the brain working against its own memory. Observe. Mr Falcondad... have you ever filed taxes?
Dad: Yeah...of course.
Psychologist: Is Falcon your son?
Dad: Uh..yes..
(mom farts in the background)
Psychologist: Very good...now...Mr. Falcondad... Please tell me that you have climbed Mt. Everest.
Dad: I uh..climbed Mt. Everrrbraaaaapest.
Psychologist: Quod erat demonstrandum.
Your Guts (I Hate ‘Em) — Reel Big...
“I dated a guy over the summer who was black. And my friend Will would always be...”
– my newspaper editor lady
the ten comMOLEments
Thou shalt not use 6.02 x 1023 in vain.
Thou shalt not use the term mole if thou has no true knowledge of the term mole.
Thou shalt not kill a mole.
Thou shalt not covet your neighbor’s mole.
Thou shall always remember to celebrate Mole Day.
Thou shalt not disparage Mole Day.
Thou shalt not use a mole out of season.
Thou shalt always honor the one who...
What's Avagadro's favorite snack?
guacaMOLE
How much does Avogadro exaggerate?
he makes mountains out of MOLEhills.
THE MOLE
the mole is the SI unit of measurement for the amount of a substance; 6.023 X 1023
this number (6.023 X 1023) is also known for the man who discovered it: Avogadro.
Today is 10/23, and at 6:02 this morning, I celebrated Mole Day.
Hope you’re ready for some Mole Day spam.
fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck fuck oh man oh wait......
whyyyyyy
86-year-old WWII vet on gay marriage: "what do you... →
(via cheeya9000)
1 tag
“Most days I wish I had never met you. Becasue then I could sleep at night. And I...”
– Lambeau (Good Will Hunting)
everyone knows this line. but they forget the last bit
1 tag
before the apples
asshole: I was just hoping you might give me some insight into the evolution of the market economy in the southern colonies. My contention is that prior to the Revolutionary War, the economic modalities, especially in the southern colonies, could most aptly be characterized as agrarian precapitalism--
Chuckie: Let me tell you something, all right--
Will: (interrupting) Of course that is your contention--
asshole: Hold on a second--
Will: You're a first year grad student. You just got finished reading some Marxian Historian, Pete Garrison probably. You're gonna be convinced of that until next month when you get to James Lemon, then you're gonna be talking about how the economies of Virginia and Pennsylvania were entrepreneurial and capitalist way back in 1740. That's gonna' last until next year, you're gonna be in here regurgitating Gordon Wood, talking about ya know, the Pre-Revolutionary utopia and the capital forming effects of military mobilization.
asshole: Well, as a matter of fact, I won't, because Wood drastically underestimates the impact of social--
Will: (interrupting) "Wood drastically underestimates the impact of social distinctions predicated upon wealth, especially inherited wealth." You got that from Vickers. 'Work in Essex County,' page 98, right? Yeah, I read that too. Were you going to plagiarize the whole thing for us? Do you have any thoughts of your own on this matter? Or do you, is that your thing; you come into a bar, you read some obscure passage, and then you pawn it off as your own idea just to impress some girl and embarrass my friend? You see, the sad thing about a guy like you is that in 50 years, you're gonna start doing some thinking on your own and you're gonna come up with the fact that there are two certainties in life. One: don't do that. And two: you dropped a 150 grand on a fuckin' education you could have gotten for a dollar fifty in late charges at the public library.
asshole: Yeah, but I will have the degree, and you'll be serving my kids fries at a drive thru on our way to a skiing trip.
Will: (laughing) Yeah, maybe, but at least I won't be unoriginal.
1 tag
“Let me tell you what I do know. Every day I come by to pick you up. And we go...”
– Chuckie (Good Will Hunting)
that’s a good friend
1 tag
do you like apples?
asshole: huh?
will: do you like apples?
asshole: yeah, I like apples.
will: *slams napkin against window*
will: well I got her number. how bout THEM apples
I desperately want to reblog this, but it has 69... →
fuckyeahdisneysongs:
This Is What Dreams Are...